When I was 16 years old I entered a national creative writing competition that was way out of my league and outside the realm of reality that I existed in. I have no idea where that confidence came from, but the fact remains that it lead me to bold places.
Naturally, I didn't win, but all these years later I'm left wondering: where did that confidence disappear to?
I lost some of the confidence I once had in my writing around the same time I studied journalism and later creative nonfiction. Studying "the craft" (unrelated to Hogwarts) is a huge privilege, but I unfortunately began to scrutinize my work and obsess over whether or not I was doing this whole writing thing properly. I became insecure about the length of my sentences (20 words max, I learned in j-school), my dialogue (does anyone talk like this?), and my character development.
As writers, we are so often pressured to discuss our accomplishments—but what about our insecurities? Being more open and honest about the challenges writers face, especially the inner battles we experience, may make other writers feel less alone.
These are mine.
"No one cares and everyone will laugh at you."
It's a very deep fear of mine that what I have to say is unimportant and that no one will be interested in what I write about. It sounds very narcissistic and superficial (it probably is) but it's impossible to sell a book that no one will read. I have a handful of stories I mull over, but I always end up convincing myself they aren't important.
I overthinking e v e r y t h i n g.
I've never been very good at sitting down, letting the words "flow" without interrupting myself to revise a sentence or think of a better turn of phrase. While I'm very slowly (like glacial, turtle pace slowly) getting better at it thanks to writing a blog, I'm worried that I will forever doubt myself, my words and constantly be stuck in draft one limbo.
I'll never publish a book.
If I do not write and publish a book by the time I must depart the earth, I will feel like I have failed myself in some way. It's always been my dream, my number one goal in life to be a published author. Even though I'm still relatively young and I have time to accomplish this goal, I hear a constant clock ticking in my head that I can't seem to shut off.
I've learned that the more time I spend kicking myself over these insecurities, the less time I have to actually work on them. But I like to remind myself that, just like our stories, we are always a work in progress.
Graphics by LePetiteMarket @ Etsy.com
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